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You are far. Several hundreds of kilometers between them and yourself. And yet you can't get them off your mind. Did they...? Did she know? Did she betray you? You have this suspicion. This shouldn't get to you like this. Really. Are you jealous? You could have had it. You said no. For a good a reason? Who fucking knows. You knew the moment she said that. With this self confidence. As usual. You never thought this could be about you. And here you stand. Suspecting...
13.9.11 23:05


Emotions can be such a fickle thing. On moment you're on top of the world before finding yourself in complete and sober clarity.

Maybe I misread the situation. 

Maybe I overestimated you, myself?

The only thing I know is that really I should care a lot more than I do.

When did I become so cold?

24.7.11 20:49


manchmal droht die Großstadt dich zu verschlucken, in all ihrem ziellosen streben nach...was eigentlich? Plötzlich wird die Luft eng, von all dem Treiben, der Oberflächlichkeit, die keine persönlichen Momente kennt.Erst weiter draußen oder in einem geschlossenen Raum wird das leben wieder sinnvoll, der Geist beruhigt sich, die Augen sind immerhin nicht mehr maßlos überfordert.
3.5.11 22:30


vielleicht soll es nicht sein, aber erstaunlich wie schnell und klar plötzlich alles da lag. Wie etwas unendlich weit entferntes plötzlich zu einer naheliegenden Realität wurde. Man ist nicht davor gefeit, zu stürzen, dass ross kann gar nicht zu hoch sein.
27.4.11 21:06


watch, how it hits. These moments have to come, being ready doesn't mean you are through it already. You are scared of failing, of being weird, having completely wrong expectations...of interpreting completely wrong. Either way, just give it a try, you never know where it will take you and what it will lead to or not. Human experience offers always new stuff...
14.3.11 11:29


Once, there was a girl. She was bright eyed and full of dreams and hopes and so many expectations.

Very early she found out that she was broken, sometimes she felt like she was a puzzle piece in the wrong box. Because that how it was she never fit in it always seemed to be the wrong picture and when she asked god she never got an answer.

When she was thirteen she lost her naivity and most of her believes. She realized most people would use you and then get bored. Then they'd hurt you.

Hope wouldn't die though, hope was such a cruel thing and hope would only hurt so much more.

When she realized what it meant to be broken she hurt other people and herself,  never hold on to friends, she was so good at losing them maybe that was why god never answered.

Far away, she thought. 

Maybe that will be my box, maybe I'll fit. 

But farway was so much the same. Even with dreams that were so much more careful, even with so much more effort, because now her friends would die or just not be there anymore. 

Maybe it's because she's broken, hurting so many without even meaning to, never fitting and eventually the hope was gone and she cried.

Not that there's anything left now.

Only words and they're not good enough.

No one will understand them.

28.2.11 21:40


hopelessly stuck in expectations, dreams and wishes...yeah I know I gotta do the boring stuff too but I can#t wait to hear from Linz, the EU and to see how things will go...I finally wanna know if I can go to St, Petersburg and if we'll be able to spend money big time.

Damn how do I get rid of all this excitement? Give me some concentration!

11.2.11 15:33


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